Most couples come to me because they are having trouble due to:
- Poor communication: having the same argument over and over; not feeling heard; difficulty seeing the other person’s point of view
- Poor connection: not on the same page; no emotional intimacy; sexual problems; lack of affection; difficulty relaxing, laughing, having fun
- Ongoing disagreements about how to blend styles of living about: holidays; in-laws; vacations; bank accounts; spending; saving
- Lack of commitment: emotional or physical affair; sexting; flirting; porn; overly focused on going out; not tending to home matters
- Behavioral issues: jealousy; immaturity; invading privacy; escape into gaming or social media; over-spending; poor focus; ; yelling; name calling
- Betrayal: secrets; lies; finding a double life; hiding information
Couples Therapy FAQs
“What can I expect from couple’s therapy?”
Successful couple’s therapy requires that both people want to be in therapy and are committed to and actively engaged in the process. Sessions are weekly at first, and continue for several months until issues are resolved. There are no shortcuts or quick fixes in couples therapy. Couples therapy takes time and effort individually and as a couple. Most of my couples attend sessions together as well as separately unless there is an issue involved that I do not treat such as active substance use or eating disorders for example. Most couples benefit from individual as well as couples therapy during the process. I guard each person’s privacy during individual sessions but I will not “keep secrets”. Couples therapy helps with things like: communication skills; rebuilding trust and intimacy after cheating, dishonesty, illness or addictions; getting to forgiveness; resolving co-dependence and building independence; improving your sex life; defining better division of labor; resolving old hurts; learning how to treat your partner or spouse as the apple of your eye.
“What if as a couple, we “just need a break” or want to separate?”
Couples therapy works best when done within the couple-ship. Separations without a specific plan do not help and usually make matters worse. For example, if your business was failing, you wouldn’t lock the doors and take a vacation from it thinking it would somehow be better when you returned. Restoring your relationship will require hard work and for each person to give and take and bend. If we decide on a “therapeutic separation”, each of you will need individual therapy during that time with a specific plan to reunite; separation is not a time to date other people or drop your family responsibilities. I will help you build a plan to work on restoring the marriage if possible or I will help you create an amicable divorce. The first step is to come in and talk about it openly and make thoughtful decisions about you and your family.
“What if we already know we want a divorce?”
As long as both people want a divorce and are committed to that goal, I can help you start the emotional process of creating an amicable divorce. Couples who are willing to do this work are often able to avoid hard feelings and save money by preparing for divorce mediation.
Feeling like your marriage or relationship is at risk can cause anxiety, anger and confusion. Most couples want to save their relationship but feel stuck or feel like running away. Couples therapy offers you a safe, structured setting to express yourself, be heard, and find real tools for communication, connection, and building the relationship.
Sessions are now video only due to the corona virus. Hours extended to include weekends.